I'd rather be burlesquing.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

a reminder of how inspired I am, to keep me going once I leave London

I've been feeling very half-full lately.

Possibly triggered by the recent Free Range Openings in and around Brick Lane, I'm reminded that I am still not very close to where I want to be, job-wise.

Admittedly, I came to London to experience a different way of living for awhile. I wanted a break from the half-assed attempt at a graphic design career that I was currently sleep-walking through. I imagined brushing up on my data-entry or receptionist skills - nothing that involved any speck of ambition in any way whatsoever. And most of all, I wanted to be inspired.

And oh, I have been. Inspired. Every single day.

But what now?

This is the part that I find hard. There are so many things that I want to achieve, so many things that I want to do, but I can feel myself holding back. I want to illustrate. I want to create. I want to print things. And bind things. And sew them. And hopefully sell them (or at the very least trade them for other beautiful things).

Nothing makes me happier than to dream of that. I honestly think that I could have nothing, live in a split-level cardboard box and eat beans on toast for the rest of my life, if I knew that I wasn't spending 8 hours a day, 5 days a week at a job that felt so much like work. Oh yes, I could even give up shopping for polyester. My dream is that big.

I know that my deepest fear is that I won't succeed. It's such a tired song, but it's so true. I've been banking on designing my own shwag for so long, that if it doesn't work out, I really don't know what else to do...

Try again, I suppose.

This much I know: I feel most at home, most like myself, when I'm wandering around markets, living amongst other people who create for a living. When I'm being inspired.

I will be leaving London in a short while, filled with a two-year backlog of daily inspiration, and I really, really don't want to let that go to waste. Here's hoping that I can handle the pressure and live up to my own expectations.

Isn't that always the toughest challenge?


At 5:26 AM, Anonymous Chris said...

Are you headed back to the land of rape and honey? What will you do there (or wherever)?

You feeling at home when walking through art reminds me of how I felt at home while working with food.

Sounds like you need to take a chance, a big one.

I'll be here supporting you.


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