Dear Future Me

I received a message from the past today:
...

(this message was composed on Tue, Oct 12, 2004)

Dear FutureMe,

So...have you become an illustrator yet? If not, get your butt in gear, honey. You have an amazing amount of talent, and the world is waiting to hear from you. If you fail, you can always go and teach in Japan.

I wonder where you are...maybe you're still in London...imagine that. Maybe you're in Saskatoon. Wherever you are, it's where you are supposed to be. Trust me on this one. Whatever you are doing right now, however you feel...you are still about to accomplish everything you set out to do.

You are exactly who you are supposed to be, and you had better still have great fashion sense.

So, go and write an email to the following people:

Greg
Jason
Rena
Ryan

and tell them how much they all shaped the past year. After you finish that, drop and give me ten illustrations.

Lock and load.

Past me.
...

Apparently, I had absolutely no faith that I would actually be able to stick it out in London for a year.

However, in defense of myself, I do remember that at this point last year, I had some very hard decisions that were about to come about. Around this time last year, my Grandfather passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, and I had to decide whether or not to actually stick around in the UK, or to return to Canada. I made my choice, and I don't regret it. I've had a lot of other tough decisions to make over the past year, some of which I am still coming to terms with.

What to say to my dorky past me?('lock and load'? I know why I wrote that, but still...)

No, I am not an illustrator yet, but I'm not afraid of going down that path when the time comes. I think I've changed significantly over the past year, and many of those changes are things that I've only just recently noticed.

I look back at who I was when I wrote that, and can see that I didn't take enough chances. I don't think I was willing to push my limits enough. Throughout the course of the last year, I've caught a brief, fleeting glimpse of what I'm capable of, and it's incredibly encouraging. I don't think that I'm the same insecure individual who I was when I wrote that.

And yes, my friends HAVE shaped me and this past year in so many incredible ways. They've stood by me, put up with me, pushed me and pulled me. I love them all, and can't imagine having accomplished any of what I have done without them.

So, dorky past me - thanks for the encouragement. I honestly have no idea what lies ahead, but I hope it's all completely and utterly unexpected. Next time, enjoy the present more and stop worrying so much about the future. You're right, though - wherever we are, wherever we end up, that's right where we're supposed to be. And we should just try and enjoy it.

Yours truly,
Dorky me.